Guido T. Ferenzetti

Guido T. Ferenzetti was your average man; he had a well paying job as a train conductor, a family, friends, and a girlfriend, the kind that isn’t super hot but actually has a charming personality and won’t cheat on you the first chance she gets. But all that changed the day he was kidnapped for a government experiment. They performed horrible tests on him, Algebra, Calculus, Latin and much, much more. He was slowly losing his mind, how did any of this apply to the real world!? Then the shit hit the fan they day of the true experiment, they fused him with the DNA of a gorilla! This resulted with him gaining the unholy ability of picking things up… with his feet! (It also granted him super strength, increased his dexterity and made him able to communicate with apes but seriously what kind of lame powers are those?) This ungodly transformation came with an even greater price… a hunger. A hunger so powerful that no cage could hold him! He just had to have… A BANANA! After breaking out of the facility and pimp slapping a scientist, Guido returned home a changed man. He was gone a total of seven hours, how much had the outside world changed? Not that much… His friends and family began to worry that he might have taken up steroids on the account of him gaining all those muscles in only seven hours, and tried to take him to an intervention, which he ran out of, shirtless and screaming for bananas. His girlfriend left him, he had been acting so strange and when he told her why she had become scared of him, she just couldn’t understand the monster he had become… (Actually she didn’t believe a word he said and decided if he was just going to make up silly stories she could no longer be with him.) He still works as a train conductor, but is a shell of his former self. He now dates supermodels and fills his life with crazy meaningless sex to try to hide his tortured soul… Poor Guido… Poor, poor Guido…